I’m not entirely sure what’s wrong with me

18 Aug

So, the last few nights I’ve been having mad crazy, “holy fuckballs where did that come from” kind of dreams. I’m not sure what’s wrong with me, but I do know that if it’s wrong, I don’t want to be right!

Last night, I was in a house that I’ve never seen with people I’ve never actually met. The main character pretty much looked like the little cartoon dude at Opticynicism, and was my BFF. Except he was a zombie. Now, of course he wasn’t any ordinary zombie, nay, this motherfucker only tapped into his uncontrollable hankering for brain matter if light touched him. So I’m tiptoeing around the upstairs balcony, trying not to bring attention to myself because Zombie Dude is sitting on the porch right beneath me, but it’s hard to be sneaky because there’s HUMONGOUS CRACKS IN THE FLOOR! Despite my best efforts at oh-so-stealth manuvers, the zombie spots me, wonders if I’d be a delectable snack, and decides to come in the house. 

Naturally, this led to me and the gang deciding to have a raging dance party, complete with a live band and spotlights. Cause, the best thing to do with a zombie that has an on-button that is triggered by light sources is to get a bunch of strobes up in the hizouse. Needless to say, cue mad zombie breakout, complete with red eyes, popping veins, and an overwhelming need for BRRRAAAAAIIIINNNZZZZZ. Surprisingly, no one was scared of the zombie, cause, you know, they dont’ move very fast, so we all just skittered out of his way when he lumbered towards us, and continued on with our lovely little dance party. Eventually it was day time, and Zombie Dude turned back into Normal Dude and went to sleep on the porch. Cause that’s where normal people sleep, you know. Thankfully, no imaginary people were harmed in my crazy zombie production.

Then, after waking up and going back to sleep, I was at the same house,  but outside on the dock. I guess the mystery house was lakeside? So anyway, we’re hanging out, and decide to go swimming in the lake. Great idea. Except there’s dinosaurs, T-Rexes to be specific, swimming in the lake. But whatever. So everyone goes  swimming like fucking idiots and we see this trail of bubbles and try desperately to get out of the water, but it’s like swimming through glue, and getting up on the dock became an impossible feat! The damn things swim like alligators and have foot long teeth, even though the head was about the size of a dog. That really must be uncomfortable to have teeth that large. Really.  

Well, we all dart away despite the glue-water, except for my twin, who lost the ability to swim and just floated in place and got eaten. No, I don’t have a twin in real life. I don’t even have a sister! So twin becomes a T-rex treat, and the rest of us get into this canoe thing (I really think I say douche canoe too much) which is all tippy, and paddle over to the dock. Finally! Back in the safe zone. Good thing my imagination didn’t realize that T-Rex is probably bigger than the dock and could easily knock it over and/or climb onto it. I sit down on the dock to have a conversation with my cat, who was also swimming with us, about what we did wrong, and how we can strategize to keep family members from getting eaten next time we need to go swimming. We even had a flow chart! The cat drew it, of course. Brilliant little bastard.


Anyone else have a mad crazy dream to share?

14 Responses to “I’m not entirely sure what’s wrong with me”

  1. Wit! August 18, 2011 at 12:33 PM #

    Nothing like that but if you want crazy dreams every night, go to sleep with a nicotine patch on. It’s probably not good for you but fuck it, the dreams are totally worth it!

    • tazer warrior princess August 18, 2011 at 4:34 PM #

      1. How do you know this?
      2. I’d better not, else I’ll never sleep, or sleep way too much. My dreams are rad!

      • Wit! August 19, 2011 at 8:14 AM #

        One of the many times I had tried to quit smoking I used the patch. You put it on in the morning and take it off before you go to bed. Well I noticed that my cravings were pretty bad in the morning so I decided if I had it on when I woke up, that wouldn’t really be the case. So that night I wore it to bed and had some pretty wacky dreams. The next night I put a fresh one on before bed and I was flying high in dream land.

        Not sure why this actually happens but it may have something to do with nicotine being a stimulant. So maybe it keeps you awake enough that you actually remember those crazy dreams!

      • tazer warrior princess August 19, 2011 at 9:53 AM #

        Aaaaaaaah. I see!

  2. iceandfire1983 August 18, 2011 at 1:17 PM #

    Ya know TWP, I only had crazy dreams like that when I was incubating one of the terrible trio. I think my favorite one was when I was dating a vampire and they were mad at me because I had eaten garlic bread and was refusing to shower to get the smell off. Yeah……weird.

    • tazer warrior princess August 18, 2011 at 4:33 PM #

      I blame you for my zombie dreams, just so you know. I don’t know where the dinsaur fit in to all of this, but the zombie was definitely you. :)

  3. inurbase August 18, 2011 at 2:15 PM #

    I had a dream that involved a monkfish drumming on the heads of a three headed mouse to kill it before it ate it. This happened on land…in my old high school…while I watched. There was more to it, but it happened three weeks ago, so I’ve forgotten most of it.

  4. opticynicism August 18, 2011 at 4:19 PM #

    Just tossin’ this out there . . . maybe it’s the booze. And now I’m totally going to catch up with my brother to see if he’ll redo my toon dude as a zombie.

    Half skull face and maggots and shit . . .

    . . .and zombies hate light. You are SO not ready for the zombie apocalypse.

    • tazer warrior princess August 18, 2011 at 4:32 PM #

      Booze? Never.

      Your toon dude would be wicked as a zombie!

      And no, I’m totally not, you’re right.

  5. thoughtsappear August 19, 2011 at 10:01 AM #

    Best. Dream. Ever. I would love to hear an analysis of it.

  6. Team Suzanne August 22, 2011 at 6:59 AM #

    I think crazy dreams like this mean that you have untapped creative potential. Like there’s an abyss of crazy shit just waiting for words. Me, on the other hand–my dreams are like–I got up and went down the hall to the bathroom. End of dream. If my theory is correct, this means I’m running on empty. Boo hiss.

    Bottom line–a hell yeah for your blog–I’m following you!

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