So, as you know from the prior entry, we took Le Spork on a RADventure on Saturday, complete with pictures.
Well DBFF got sick of our shit, and let BFF and I go along our merry way. We were texting Skottikins at the time, and decided to take Le Spork to the local beach to see if we could get some awesome shots.
(Bee tee dubs, this is why I LURVE BFF. Cause even though what I just typed totally germinated in my own brain, she’s the one that suggested we do it. Mind skills, yo.)
Having a good tine (nerp)
Die, Pier, Die
YARRR nothing is prohibited!!!!
Irony, we have it
Beeeeeg rock.... little nom.
This is why they lost... cause I mocked them. Tear.
Wiley motherfucker.
I laughed so hard when we found this.
NO SPORKING!
Feeding the sticker on my car
Fishing with a pole is so last year.
We got bored and decided to take the Spork to the store, to see if there was anything awesome we could get it in a picture with.
The hell?
I'm so getting another hour of preacher channel for this one.
Pregnant? Here's a solution for ya
Nothing like sporking a stripper-cop's nads
Dolls are creepy
And, as a finale, THE best text convo ever.
Me: Are you propelling yourself to the border with your Diet Dew rainbow flatulism?
S: I just might. Wait. Is that a silver spork?
Me: You JUST NOTICED THIS???
S: Is that the silver spork that you were born with in your mouth?
Me: Why yes, yes it is. Quite trailer-y.
S: The picture becomes complete.
S: Where are you two? How has the security team not noticed the two Amazons taking pictures of the merchandise next to a silver spork, giggling like eight year olds at a Bieber concert?
…. later….
S: I’m trying to figure out if you and (BFF) are drunk, bored, or both
Me: This is our normal sober selves at work. Fucking genius.
S: Brilliant.
Me: If anything, we’re high on life topped with a caffeine twist.
Me: We’re dressing you in drag and kidnapping you so you can revel in our brilliance. Incognito.
S: I think I may have thrown up in my mouth. Just a little bit. Un poquito.
Me: How do you feel about a blonde wig?
S: I’m incognito, beyotch!
S: I use my left hand, I use my right hand, I’m amphibious, beotch!
Me: You made (BFF) laugh a fart out.
S: I’m standing right in front of you, but you can’t see me because I’m indivisible, beyotch!
S: You can’t hit me. My defense is impregnable, beyotch!
Me: Well yeah you don’t have a vagina. That I know of.
S: I don’t even know what that means but I heard Mike Tyson say that once. I don’t think Tyson has a vagina either.
Me: Well he sounds like a tranny….
Me: I think you’d win a beauty contest against Mike, though.
S: Lizterine, one. Logic, zero.
And that was how I rounded out my day.
Finito.
ETA: So like 7 minutes after posting this I’ve been scolded for “changing facts” because, according to S, “When we alter the factual verbiage, the terrorists win.” SO. When I said “vagina” in regards to Mike Tyson et al, I REALLY said Kooka. Like those bimbos on Jersey shore.
So there, Skottikins, so there. Retracted.
Like this:
Tags: Spork
WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT WHITE THING??!??!?!!!
Okay. Your spork has been on more adventures than I’ve been on in the last two years. Jealous.
It’s a tampon applicator. Used of course….bwhahahaa
Laughed my ASS off at the pregnancy test!! Oh, by the way, Kitten wants the T-shirt your BFF is wearing. Well, not THAT one specifically, but one just like it.
BFF does have fantastic taste! And thank you!
Good to know that if the Morning After pill fails I can rely upon a quickie spork-bortion. Best. Post. Ever.
Bwhahahaaa SporkBortion!!!! Loves it!!!!
Yay! I wasn’t disappointed….
Now you need to make a blog in which you describe what kind od industrial solvents you are going to use to disinfect that spork before you eat on it now. Please PLEASE disinfect the fuck out of it.
It’s too awesome to be used as a utensil, and quite frankly I’d be too disgusted to at this point. Glad I didn’t disappoint you!
Why were none of these posted on twitter? Oh my god!
I like leaving y’all surprises!
…how are we not bffs?
I mean, seriously.
You have a thing with sporks?
I have a thing with sporks! Now I need to go on a mad search to find my sporks so I can share.
In high school I would dump all of the cafeteria sporks into my backpack. My whole desk at home was filled with them.
I made spork people.
A few of my sporks went on to become famous and landed themselves a spot in the dining area of a band’s tour bus and then was on TV.
It is my greatest achievement in life to date.
Fuck, that is sad.
HEHEHEEEE!
I’ve made spork people. I’ve got pictures of a drawing I did for a friend sporking his boss in the face. It was awesome.
Not sad!
You just greatly improved my day.
You’re lucky that bird didn’t steal your spork!
Or shit on it. Ew.
Is sporking the new planking?
There seems to be a common theme running through all of those pics. But I just can’t get a grasp on it….
I’m not sure why you say that?! I took such a broad variety of pictures. Theme, you say? Moi? Neverrrrrrrr.
Dear Warrior Princess,
I am totally screwed….I must contact Apple Major Headquarters,out Yonder in California. Should I dress up,clean under wear and shave or…pull a Kurt Cobain,put womens panties over my head,eat mexican food and fart the tunes to Mr. Ed? I do Not know the Protocall of the West Coast. I could never understand Ahnold or the New Old Guy-Jerry Brown,pass it down. I must say, You guys lip tooo much in California,is there a drought? Slobber…..Anyway,got one of those computer things that only the quickest,brightest and whomever flushes first shall get to answer tomorrow. What is the earliest I should call to screw up everyones day? It’s a Texas thing…..Love You.
You know, I do believe you are THE most random person/commenter I know.
LOVE IT!!!!!!
I am incognito,similar to the Boys in the kitchen as we squat in unison.You do have quilted paper for all,don’t you? Thank You for my Birthday shoutout,means alot to me. Love You and the Spork.