Merry 2012 bitches!
Let’s blow this shit up.
What am I doing tonight? Well, I’m all of 5 years old on the inside, so, I’m eating jalapeno poppers, drinking mimosas, in my PJs, and watching The Lion King on DVD (SQUEEEEE finally!!!). The perfect night, methinks!
Play safe, don’t kill yourself or anyone else, and for god’s sake don’t drive if you drink.
BAM BOOM FIRE!!!
I’ve been so busy. Traveling during the holiday season is a special kind of hell, seriously. Thus, I’ve neglected to keep y’all updated on the cat!
Well, I’m officially the proud “parent” of a transgendered cat! Stewie underwent a Perineal Urethrostomy (PU) surgery on Thursday. In normal people words, he had his itty bitty dick cut off and was given a “she-hole” to piss out of. Good news is: he is recovering marvelously from the surgery and is pissing like an A grade champion.
I’m fucking tired and don’t have much to say tonight. Christmas was good, the Parental Units shut the fuck up about the cat… And I sprung him from 9 long days in the clink last night. My wallet is shrieking in agony and the cat is purring his stupid fuzzy butt off. The vet techs said he was “ummm… difficult…?” the last few days.. and they had several people ask “what the hell are you guys doing to that cat???” Yup, my cat, screaming his little head off wanting out of his cage. Gotta love him.
Here’s some pictures for you! And yes, the vet techs have a HUGE sense of humor and gave my formerly-male cat a pink, sparkly Cone of Shame.
Homecoming, Bitches!
My Nose Is Tasty
I'm a Poodle fuckers!
Not too hurt to explore!
Big bed, little Kitty
The pee hole formerly known as the penis
Merry Christmas my lovely fuckers. I’ve missed each and every one of you. Thank you for the good thoughts, prayers, vibes, whatever, and all the “check-ins” in the last few days. Seriously, you people rock.
Now tell me, how was YOUR Christmas?????
Kitty is still in the hospital. They took the catheter out this morning, fingers crossed that he can pee without it. If he pees, he should be able to come home tonight.
If not, he has to have surgery to widen his urethra.
My mom is still all up my ass to get up to her house for Christmas, and hasn’t once asked how the cat is doing. She’s also talking shit to all my siblings about how I should have just killed “it” cause “it” is costing too much money and ruining her Christmas plans.
I’m having huge anxiety problems because I hate feeling out of control, and the pressure from the parental units is driving me insane. I hate that all I can answer to “when” is “I don’t know”.
Merry Christmas to me.
You know, the troublemaker that’s often featured on this blog.
He was in so much pain when I got home tonight at 9PM… I took him to the emergency vet.
He has a blocked bladder and will have to stay there for 3 days to drain it out. He’s scared, hurting, and my heart is breaking for him.
My parents being the compassionate assholes that they are sent me the following texts:
Mom: Seriously, it’s a cat. Say goodbye.
Dad: Don’t spend money on the cat. Put it down go to the pound pick out a new one. Remember they kill cats there every day.
Thanks, parents, for being assholes. God forbid you fucking show a shred of compassion to your daughter when she’s BAWLING HER EYES OUT IN THE PARKING LOT OF THE VET after dropping off her animal.
FUCK. YOU.
Stew should be OK, they’re putting in a catheter and draining everything out, they didn’t seem too concerned but he probably would have died if I’d left it to take him in the morning.
Healing vibes his way would be much appreciated. I don’t want to lose my little buddy, he’s been my rock for 5 years and really is my joy.
My little G
Belly Rub!
1. Leggings are NOT pants. I repeat: NOT PANTS. You look like an asshole.
Just, NO
2. You look like a tool if your ass is hanging out of your pants. Ask mommy to go buy you some trousers that fit, little boys. A 105 pound soaking wet white boy will NEVER pass for gangsta no matter how low his pants are.
Da fuck???
3. Shapeups are ridiculous. Doubly so if you’re so heavy they’re FLAT instead of that fucked up curvy shape. Kind of defeats the purpose, no?
Don't do it!!!
4. Velour track suits do not make you look rich. Rather, they make us all cringe being able to see the cellulite on your thighs from across the room. Buy some real clothes, for the love of god.
Please shoot me
5. Miniskirts, microshorts, and other items like them belong on twigs. If you’re a 300 pound, 5’1” 50 year old, you make everyone want to vom every time you walk by them. Please cover it up, for the love of god.
Please make it stop. PLEASE
6. Spray tans make you look like an Oompa Loompa. If that’s what you’re going for, you’re a Douchecopter.
Help me! Snooki stole my style!
7. Jeggings/Pajama Jeans: Fuck you, you lazy turd. Wear some goddamn pants or stay home. Can’t have both.
Trust me, it doesn't look better on a chick.
8. The “romper” outfit: Mmkay, kids, here’s the deal. Short overalls went out of style when y’all graduated first grade. Rational adults shouldn’t be caught dead in one of these things!
UGH
What are some of your pet peeves when it comes to what some idiots call “style”?
The scene: Professional office
The players:
-Lobby Pimp- Old lady
-Me- yours truly.
So I saw this lady today that made me lose my shit. This had to have been THE best getup I’ve seen in a year.
Skinny little old lady, with a HUGE fur coat, pimp style.
Pimp status fedora
Shimmery bronze skirt
Cane
And the kicker?
LEATHER MOTHERFUCKING SHAPEUPS.
Things have been poorly distorted with Photobucket to protect my identity and maybe that lady's identity, too. Although I only care about myself, so what gives?
You’re welcome.
Any good outfit stories from y’all recently? Outfits that *aren’t* supposed to be costumes?
Hi kids.
Thank you all so much for the love, hugs, and commiseration last night. I had a helluva day. To put it COMPLETELY right, as Leauxra said, “Sounds like you had a sneaky hate spiral kind of day.” This is the truth.
I melted down yesterday. Crying, tooth gnashing, hair tearing meltdown.
The good news? I’m like a phoenix. When I have these meltdowns, I come back ever so much stronger the next day. Today was awesome. I rocked that shit. I worked harder, more efficiently, and more happily than I have in the last few weeks. I needed the release.
Thank you all for your kind, encouraging, and damn well hilarious responses. Even while I was in tears, I was giggling reading what you crazy fuckers have to say. I love all of you.
For a Fuck You Friday long overdue:
FUCK YOU: to the people who think that condescending to me will make me kowtow. NO I don’t have crotchlings. NO I’m not all wrinkly like a prune. FUCK YOU. I know what I’m doing, I’m damn good at what I do. Just because I don’t fit in your fucking stupid box doesn’t make me anything close to incompetent. Someday I will rule the world, and when I’m the Overlord Superior, I will make you REGRET your decisions.
FUCK YOU: goddamn dogs. REALLY????? Do you HAVE to eat all my tupperware? I hate you.
FUCK YOU: friends who think that insulting me under the guise of a “complement” is a good thing. I’M NOT FUCKING STUPID!
But seriously. You guys… I’m so happy I know all of you. If you haven’t gotten a Christmas card… Email me at tazerwarriorprincess@gmail.com. I ordered extras cause I was worried I’d run out.
