1. Leggings are NOT pants. I repeat: NOT PANTS. You look like an asshole.
Just, NO
2. You look like a tool if your ass is hanging out of your pants. Ask mommy to go buy you some trousers that fit, little boys. A 105 pound soaking wet white boy will NEVER pass for gangsta no matter how low his pants are.
Da fuck???
3. Shapeups are ridiculous. Doubly so if you’re so heavy they’re FLAT instead of that fucked up curvy shape. Kind of defeats the purpose, no?
Don't do it!!!
4. Velour track suits do not make you look rich. Rather, they make us all cringe being able to see the cellulite on your thighs from across the room. Buy some real clothes, for the love of god.
Please shoot me
5. Miniskirts, microshorts, and other items like them belong on twigs. If you’re a 300 pound, 5’1” 50 year old, you make everyone want to vom every time you walk by them. Please cover it up, for the love of god.
Please make it stop. PLEASE
6. Spray tans make you look like an Oompa Loompa. If that’s what you’re going for, you’re a Douchecopter.
Help me! Snooki stole my style!
7. Jeggings/Pajama Jeans: Fuck you, you lazy turd. Wear some goddamn pants or stay home. Can’t have both.
Trust me, it doesn't look better on a chick.
8. The “romper” outfit: Mmkay, kids, here’s the deal. Short overalls went out of style when y’all graduated first grade. Rational adults shouldn’t be caught dead in one of these things!
UGH
What are some of your pet peeves when it comes to what some idiots call “style”?
Like this:
Tags: Fashion, Funny, nonsense, ridiculous, Snooki, Ugly clothes, UGLY PEOPLE
Pajama jeans. Excellent.
And they can keep that crappy free gift t-shirt, too. Who needs another God damned t-shirt anyway?
Right? And they’re always that thick icky itchy cotton crap that makes me want to club seals. No thanks.
Preaching to the mutha fucking choir, ma sister. Also? Bumpits. Just….no.
Oooo good one. We don’t get those much, here, but they’re ridiculous.
Aaaaand my dog is destroying a Sharpie. FML.
You’ve covered it pretty well. I think anything with the selling point of “this is right on the line of being acceptable to wear in public!” is pretty much a don’t.
word.
Okay, before point 2, I figured I’d see some drawers hanging out of pants, not a hint of frontal NON-manscaped man-vag! WHO DOES THAT???
I was a total fashion fuck up today. I feel like shit and totally ran to the dollar store in a pair of Nebraska sweats and a t-shirt that didn’t come remotely close to matching. I was the best dressed in the joint. I need to keep that in mind the next time I need a self-esteem boost.
I have huge issues with the mystic tanned duckface dorks out there. JUST STOP. You’re making Italians and women from New Jersey who are normal look bad, you fucking Jersey Shore wannabes! And who wants to be like them anyway! If that’s a GOAL, you’ve got issues deeper than your skin cancer.
I agree with every last one of your tips on how not to dress like an asshole.
My favorite is the when I see the actual douchebag rich woman in a velour track suit with their dress shoes. Ummmm…just because you try to church up an outfit that should only be worn at home to lounge around in by putting on dress shoes, doesn’t mean it worked. It just means you look like a bigger idiot than if you’d put on your tennis shoes.
Oh and I have a friend that told me she wore jeggings to work and I burst out laughing and said “Yeah right, I can just see you now…walking into to work in those stupid ass things.” Clearly I thought she was joking. She wasn’t. Oops.
As for other things that make people look like assholes:
1. Crocks: I actually think they look really cute on little kids, but once you’re past about 9 (maybe a little older, but it’s pushing it) plastic shoes just look awful. I don’t care how they try to make them look like dress shoes or whatever other dumb ass ideas they come up with….rubber shoes are rubber shoes.
2. Low cut jeans: I’m sorry, but it is only the rarest of people who can get away with this style. Thanks to low cut jeans I have seen more muffin top and random ass/thongs to fill 100 lifetimes. I mean seriously people you can’t feel that draft on your ass? Oh and for those of you who let your thongs hang out on purpose? That just makes you a trashy whore. Harsh words, but true.
I don’t have an issue with Crocs on principle, but I consider them “gardening” shoes. People who wear them to work and the like are fucking idiots.
GAH muffin top low cut jeans make me want to cut people. Seriously.
I wear crocs. At home. Because I have these feet issues, and the only shoes I can wear around the house on our hard ass floors are crocs.
But people who wear them to work ARE fucking idiots. The only times you should be wearing crocs outside the home are A) so you don’t get HIV from the floor in the shower at the pool and B) when you’re at the beach, the cooler’s in the car, and you forgot all other footwear. and the parking lot is covered with broken glass.
Can I make an addendum to your first rule?
Leggings are not pants…outside of your own home
Well that’s a given. I wear jammies and yoga pants at home… so yeah.
I’ll sign on all of the above and add one thing.
People who use Converse with everything. Short sparkly dress and converse? No. Oh and try buying new ones once in a while. Torn and dirty Converse are the biggest turn-off out there.
barf barf barfy barf.
I totally disagree with this. I’d rather see my girlfriend in a pair of torn up Chucks than a pair of heels. That’s not to say I don’t appreciate when she gets dressed up, but it’s not her personality, whereas the Chucks are something I more closely associate with her style.
Depends on the girl, dear, depends on the girl. And the outfit.
OMG I was just at this med lab, giving blood for, you know, drug testing and whatnot, and all of these women were there in leggings. I wanted to just scream it out: leggings are NOT pants!
One dry-looking British dude in his late 40s was there, dressed like a homey. A homey with gray sweat pants. I wanted to shout at him:
You are too old to wear that! You are fucking British, for chrissake! The whitest people behind the Germans! You look like you put that on to go to a fucking costume party!
People are fucking idiots.
Aaahhahhaa yes! I saw two chicks in a row at ye olde workplace yesterday and I totally wanted to scream at them but The Man pays me to be nice to people so I resorted to hissing under my breath to a coworker when they were finally gone. Old british dude gangster sounds like fun. Ha!
You totally hit the nail on the head — and in Wes’BYGAWD Virginny, you’ll more often than not see these flagrant abuses perpetrated IN COMBINATIONS.
Except the part about the Shape-Ups. My Easy-Tones are TOTALLY WORKING. Bitch.
Easy-tones? NOT Sketchers brand, right? OK you get a pass.
Wes’BYGAWD Virginny makes me want to come there and go on a camera spree!
Nope, these are Reeboks. Skechers are for hipster douches. And as they say on Price Is Right, COME OOOOOOOOOOON DOWN!
BAM! Yep, Sketchers suck.
I would like to point out that if your jeans are so tight that you:
A) look like you might actually be wearing jeggins or
B) look like an over-stuffed sausage
Please size up. Seriously, just because you can “fit” into those size sixes doesn’t mean you should.
Wise words my friend, wise words.
Socks and sandals make me foam at the mouth a bit…
And ladies, while I cough (may be staring at your ass) cough I don’t want to have to read an advertisement…
Pajama pants on anyone in public cause hemorrhagic fever like bleeding from my eyes…
Finally, capri pants do not look good on anyone.
I must respectfully disagree with you on the capri comment. Laura Petrie (circa 1961-1966) fucking ROCKED capris. If you’re built like she was, you can wear them. Otherwise, just back away ….
Every time I hear the word ‘jeggings’ I want to ram a Sharpie into my tympanic membranes. And anything with ‘Juicy’, ‘Pink’ or “Sassy’ across your tits or ass are simply a flaming beacon announcing your whoredom to the world.
. . .oh yeah, and Crocs. Fuck Crocs.
Alright I’m guilty of being in love with the idea of Forever Lazy… I would still wear them because I am single and have no desire to bring anyone into my bed at night (okay a few men make the list but not men from reality). I went to the website and saw them at a tailgate party wearing the Forever Lazy pjs… It’s a giant Snuggie with legs and arms and a drop flap ass. While they may be comfortable (so I hear) no person should ever ever ever be seen in one. The fact that people even allowed themselves to be used for the advertising makes them assholes straight out the gate.
Also
… booty shorts when your booty is saggier than your shorts are long
… any pants that are too low and tight to keep your fat on the inside
… burnout shirts on people who don’t understand that we don’t want to see their belly’s back fat, or black and fuchsia bra. WEAR A TANK TOP 6th St Sally! WEAR A MOTHER LOVIN TANK TOP!
Holy crap. I announced last week that everyone on my Christmas list was getting “Forever Lazy”, and they should all send me their size and color preference. NO ONE RESPONSED. Jerks.
Yesterday I saw a woman at work wearing low-cut jeans, a long-sleeved t-shirt that looked like it was airbrushed on and …. wait for it ….. pantyhose (or Spanks). How could I tell that? Because I could see the impression of the Spanks’/hose’s high waistband digging into the skin of her waist – above the waistband of her jeans. Geez!
Crocs? Lite yardwork, getting the mail or newspaper, walking thru glass.
Sagging? Only if you unintentionally forgot your belt. Only your mother and you need to know that your wearing underoos.
EEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
I agree with all of those….. and I’m also with Jen above…. I now hate the work Juicy simply because I’m so sick of seeing in on girls asses.
I also really hate uggs…. like a lot. They make your feet look like clubs…. does anyone really want that?
Oh fuck, you’re right, uggs are horrible. I think I blocked them out because of trauma.
And I can’t think of any reasons to describe an ass as juicy, kinda forms a nasty image really.
Oh, thanks for sharing >.< Now I'm going to think of diarrhea every time I see the word "juicy"….
I like my Fuggs (faux ones) for going to the beach. They’re halfway up my calves and are the only shoes I own that DON’T get motherfucking sand in them. GAAAHHHH. But yes, they’re ugly. Even MORE ridiculous when worn with a mini skirt. Fuck that noise.
Frankly, living in England and also on a small backward island stuck in 1874, I could probably write you a funking essay on this topic. Let’s just limit it to my two favourites (?) shall we??
1.) People who dress children in so much designer gear they look like they were cut out of a Bennetton advert. News flash, you ass-juggling clowns, you do not make your kids look like they are the progeny of a style guru – you look like a paedophile trying to trick out your children. Stop forcing your own lousy social values on the poor mites before they grow up giving hand-jobs for crack.
2.) Tracksuits/running shoes/exercise related apparel on anyone who looks like they break into a sweat lifting a coffee cup. You’re fooling no-one, you enormous hose-beast, you’ve blatantly never jogged two paces in your life. You’ve put on a pair of BVD’s and by the time you got them on they said BOULEVARD. Give it up.
Seriously! Why the FUCK would you buy your kid that’s like 1 foot tall some 100 dollar outfit just so it can shit, piss, and smear food all over it, and then grow 4 inches in a week and not be able to fit in it anymore? Just makes the parents look like assholes, frankly.
Hosebeast is my favorite insult, ever. EVER. Fat fucks wearing words on their asses make me want to yak.
Ladies, STOP WEARING MOTHER FUCKING PAJAMAS IN PUBLIC!
THANK YOU!
For god’s sake, at least put on yoga pants or something. Pajamas look stupid.
I totally had an awesome comment for this but then my boss came over and now I can’t think of what it was. It totally would have blown everyone’s mind though. It would have been epic-ly spectacular in all its wonderfulness and glory to the point where cute little kittens and unicorns would have cried and their tears would have cured cancer, aids and heart disease…or at least the common cold.
Fuck! Now I’m crying hot lava tears cause I’m disappointed I didn’t get to read the magic.
Excellent list! Can we add socks and sandals?
HHAHA eeehhh i’ve been guilty of that once, but not on purpose, I just really wanted to wear the socks, and I only had flip flops to wear at the time (out shopping), but yes.
I love my Shape-Ups but I don’t consider them “stylish.” They are just super comfortable and I hate regular tennis shoes. I do hate the leggings-as-pants thing. Who do those women think they are? Male ballerinas??