As some of you know, I’ve been fighting with my MacBook, BabyBlue, for… hmmm… over a year. See, computers tend to not enjoy having wine spilled all over their keyboards, repeatedly, and will usually rebel by a) not working completely, or b) being passive aggressive and choosing random buttons to not work.
BabyBlue is much more passive aggressive, so she decided to kill my S button completely, and then play “musical stickies” with the rest of them. I put up with her for a long time because I’m lazy, I couldn’t bear to be computer-less for a few days, and I’m one cheap motherfucker.
Until…… I got an end of year bonus.
Now, I’d been contemplating replacing Baby with a Shiny Shiny, aka a brand new MacBook Pro. Oh how I pined after a shiny, brand new laptop with a bajillion new bells and whistles to endlessly amaze me. However, I am a cheapass motherfucker, and putting logic ahead of my shiny-grubbing mentality, I thought… well it’s just $100 bones to get Baby a new keyboard…and she works like new….
So off to the MacDoctor I trotted, Baby in tow, all kinds of bound and determined to resist the siren song of the Shiny Shiny Objects.
tralalaaaa
I darted to the back of the building, painfully aware of all the Shiny in there, and doing my best to focus on looking at the ground.
But…. they made me wait. And while I was waiting, I noticed something dreadfully magnetic on the table.
Oooooo
There, on the counter where the MacDude told me to have a sit, was a glistening brand new bit of AWESOME, otherwise known as an iPad.
In other words, I was fucked.
I dropped Baby off with the MacDoctor and they told me it’d be SIX days before I’d get her back. Now, me being a complete fucking internet whore, this was devastating news. And then… the plot began to hatch. I had forbidden myself from buying a new MacBook…. so I’d still be saving money if I got the iPad instead, right? I started bargaining with myself..
“Well if we get the iPad we can be nicer to Baby, then Baby won’t get so abused and our keyboard investment will go further and the iPad doesn’t have a keyboard so we can use it while drinking and then we can take it in bed and play while laying down and then… and then… and then…
Yep, I'm fucked.
I pranced out of the store with my new iPad tucked carefully in a black Apple bag, with a case that I generously let the little salesman upsell me to, since I rained on his speech parade. (I decided what I wanted right away and didn’t want to hear the demo blah blah… poor guy looked a little… taken aback)
I had the weekend off from work, and let me tell you, that fucking thing is a time VAMPIRE. I spent all of Saturday evening, most of Sunday in the wee AM hours, and Sunday afternoon dicking around on this fucking magical piece of technology. Ian, you bastard, why you ever suggested that I download Temple Run I will never know, but I kind of have a love/hate feeling towards you right now.
Saturday night/Sunday morning, I looked up and hot damn if it wasn’t past 3AM! I felt like some kind of crack addict (or at least what I imagine crack addicts feel like, cause, you know, crack is whack). It was like being strung out. The Thing had magical entrancing powers that FORCED me to keep playing with it. If I thought about putting it down it’d reveal some other magical trait that sucked another hour out of my life, and before I knew it it was early morning and I was STILL on the fucking iPad.
I’m pretty sure I looked like this:
INTERNEEETTTT!!! SHINY THINGS!!! TEMPLE RUN!!!!!!
So the morals of the story are:
1. Don’t let me go anywhere with shiny things
2. I have no willpower
3. I will crush the dreams of the salespeople around the world.
4. Giving me technology is like giving a 5 year old a Redbull and a box of candy.
5. I have no self control.
6. I suck at drawing.
I also spent about half an hour playing with the camera features, because it has awesome things like that heat map thing on it. Yes, I took shameless pictures:
OHMYGODLOOK I'M ALL FUNNY COLORS HAHAHAA (...maybe I should sleep...)
So… Anyone have any interesting stories regarding rogue technology hijacking your life and making you feel like a complete fucking zombie after it’s chewed on your brain and spit it out?
