My god, I’m starting to scare myself.
See, I’m slowly morphing into a different person, as I age. This person, ironically, is the one who dropped me out of her loins 26 years ago. Yes folks, I am my mother’s daughter.
I know this particularly while driving on the freeway… it’s like listening to a tape of my mom from my childhood. As I veer into traffic, tailgating the person in front of me while screeching “WE’RE GETTING ON THE GODDAMN FREEWAY! GO! GO! 45 IS NOT AN ACCEPTABLE SPEED JUST USE YOUR FUCKING PEDAL YOU’RE GOING TO GET US KILLED!” I start to go through a weird flashback memory… all in black and white and slow motion of my mom doing the EXACT GODDAMN THING when I was a kid. I used to get so annoyed with her for yelling at other cars… until I started driving. Now, I understand.
Some other gems of mine that I’ve caught myself using this week?
-”WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU, STUPID? IT’S A PASSING LANE, NOT A “YOU’RE THE ONLY DRIVER ON THE FUCKING ROAD” LANE!”
-”HEARD OF A BLINKER, FUCKWAD?”
-”Oh sure, keep swerving. There ya go. CONGRATULATIONS MOTHERFUCKER YOU GOT TWO CARS AHEAD AND ENDANGERED TWELVE PEOPLE.
-”WHAT THE HELL, GRANDMA!!!!!!! HOW DO YOU EVEN HAVE A LICENSE!?!?!?!?”
-Oh sure. Keeeep texting. Awesome. Sweet. Nice swerve. Good job buddy. Heard of the law? FUCK!
-Stop signs! Not optional!
-TURN YOUR GODDAMN BRIGHTS OFF MOTHERFUCKER! WE CAN SEE YOU!
Obviously I have issues with driving! Hahaha! This whole driving 45 minutes each way for work has given me a lot of FUCK YOU’s these last few months.
So, folks, what Mom or Dad isms do you catch yourself saying/doing? Happy Friday!