Weekend Wrap-Up: It's Playoffs, Bitches!

Holy fuckballs, kids, it’s been an insane weekend of NFL playoffs.

First, my most loathed and detested Donkeys, paired up with the Ravens. I don’t give a flying fart about the Ravens, but I abhor the Denver Broncos and rooted vehemently against them. I spent the afternoon on Saturday SCREAMING AT THE GODDAMN RAVENS to get their shit together, and boy howdy did they ever! After a whole quarter of overtime, the game finally wrapped up the way I wanted it to. SUCK MY TOES, DENVER!

The rest of the weekend did not go according to plan, but at least they were all relatively interesting games. I was rooting for Seattle, but sadly in the last few seconds of the game they lost. Ah well, it was a good game. My Packers never showed up against the fucking Niners, so I get to listen to the motherfucking bandwagoners crow this week. I really think I’ll be pulling out trivia questions, to try and test and see if they’re really fans or not.

The most LOATHED TEAM EVER, the goddamn Patriots, won against the freaking Texans. I mean, come on Texans, show up for the game, yeah? Schaub made me irrationally angry, and I’m pretty sure my neighbors think I’m insane from all the screaming that went on in my house this weekend.

Speaking of yelling at football, let me tell you about how I have been a psychotic football fan since I was a wee sprout. My dad and I went to San Diego for a Chargers game (I think it may have been against the Vikings? I don’t remember at this point) because I had won my division in the Punt Pass and Kick competition in Las Vegas, and was slated to go to San Diego to compete in the Western Region semi-finals. The program is really cool because they also give you free tickets to the game.

Well, this was my first time being AT a professional game… and I LOVED IT. I was standing on my seat SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS ABOUT HOW FUCKING BAD THE CHARGERS WERE…. (I don’t like the Chargers)… and my dad was sinking deeper and deeper into his seat covering his face in abject shame of his daughter. I then decided to walk down 3 rows to the field and yell at the quarterback (we were right behind the Chargers’ bench) and was screaming “LEAF! YOU FUCKING SUCK! BOOOO! QUIT WHILE YOU CAN!!!” In my defense, Ryan Leaf did fucking suck. And he TOTALLY HEARD me, turned around to see this 13 year old blonde girl screaming at him.

You know where I learned all that? My dad. Thing is, he never told me not to yell when we were in public hahahaha. He LOVES to tell that story now. He was the man that would throw shit at the TV if the refs made bad calls. I stole a ref’s flag for him, thinking it’d be easier on the TV… nooooope those suckers are HEAVY!

In the car on the way back to the airport, my dad turned to me and said, while gritting his teeth, “Just because I yell AT THE TV doens’t mean it’s OK to say that shit in public!! Girl what were you thinking?!”

Smartass me was all “Eh, you taught me well.”

Needless to say, my dad tells this story with glee, even to this day. And let me tell you, he does a great impression of me screeching!

In non-football news in the Weekend Wrap-up, I figured out how to fix my toilet, all on my own *flexes muscles*. I’m awful at fixing things, so this is quite an accomplishment! No more *drip drip drip drip*!

Happy Monday, folks! How was YOUR weekend?